I wish I were happy

by nakedlvng

I am not happy and I wish that I were.

I am not depressed, nor am I miserable and grumpy — at least I hope I do not come across that way. But I am certainly  not happy.

I want to live a useful and fulfilling life, but I do not know how to achieve those things. I have no passion in me anymore and my feeble attempts to find something I can be passionate about have not panned out so well.

And I am lonely. I have family that I am close with that love me and worry about me, but I have a major absence of friends and a severe absence of romance.

I had thought that by getting on top of my health that the other parts of my life would fall into place. I thought that it would be easier for me to find something that I could be passionate about and that I would be able to interact with people more easily. But it has not worked that way.

This year I left my job of seven years to try to make a living working for myself and the only thing that I have accomplished during that time is that I am now working freelance for the company I just left. I have had no other clients. And why? Partly because I do not want to. I am so tired of the work that I really have no desire to continue. But at the same time, I cannot even think of what else I  would like to do. There are times that I can still find enjoyment in it, but they are few and far between.

Same goes for everything else. My “hobbies” are no longer satisfying and when I want to try something else, I just cannot find the energy or passion or whatever you want to call it.

I feel lost.